Archive for October, 2010
This is dedicated to all of those people out there who are in doubt. You are faced with a complicated situation. You got yourself into this situation because of the love you have for your significant other; what do you do now? How do you handle this? Are there rules and guidelines that will help you get through? What if everything you do, seems to fall short of what you set out to accomplish?
The situation I am referring to is… becoming a STEP mom or dad. Believe it or not, it’s not an easy task and there is a lot that comes with it.
There are always a bunch of questions that enter your mind as a step- parent. It’s bad enough that it takes time to establish the whole “I’m your mom/dad’s friend and we’re getting serious so you’ll see more of me…” concept but then you actually have to make this relationship work! You have to figure out how you can be involved in this child’s upbringing without being too overbearing but at the same time, you don’t want to be too soft. You can’t play the “door mat” role either.
Now it’s not simple in trying to find solutions. Every child is different and they respond to different types of authority figures in different ways. It can be confusing… “Do I step in now?”… “No, I should fall back and let their mom/dad handle it”… “Should I suggest this?”…”well, that aint right, his/her mom or dad shouldn’t have done that. Should I tell her/him about themselves or let my significant other handle it?”… It’s crazy and complicated.
My approach is simple, imagine if for some strange reason the parents of your god daughter/son died tomorrow and left parental guardianship to you. What would you do? At this point, you know this is not your child and they were raised in a different environment than what you’re used to. Would you treat them different? Or try to get to know them better so you can get a feel for what they need?…Same situation, different circumstance. When your significant other isn’t around and you’re spending time with your new son or daughter, take time out and be observant. Evaluate what type of person they are… find out what they’re interested in. No matter what, always be yourself. Almost like that fun teacher you had in high school. You respected him or her because you accepted the fact that they were in a position of leadership and authority but they kept it real and showed actual interest in trying to get you to learn. Same thing, you can establish yourself as that type of authority.
Even when you get into those verbal disputes that makes things difficult, you have to be strong…“you not my dad”, “what? Don’t try to act like you’re my mother”… the sassy, talking-back attitudes can easily be nullified once you establish that they’re your son/daughter whether they like it or not and they will respect you because you show them respect…Just tell them, ”now wait till your dad/ mom gets home, they are going to tear your butt up!!!!!!!” –that was a joke
You have to look at it from a more enlightening perspective. You are who you are and you can’t change that. Don’t try to be something different. I guarantee that your significant other’s child will grow to love you for some of the same reasons your significant other does. Beauty from within isn’t hard to see or appreciate. You aren’t like that child’s other parents in that you can give them something the other parent can’t… a different perspective. Show them what you’re about. Who knows, the family might have a history of being poor at math. You came into the picture and just happen to be great at math. Now those problems that took every member of the house, hours to get past are now a “breeze”. A simple example, but you get the point… just make sure you don’t spoil them. That’s the worst thing you can do. You don’t want to be that parent they take advantage of… “you want a cookie? I thought your dad/mom said you couldn’t have a cookie?”, “well, alright, just one!”… don’t do that. You’re setting yourself up for failure.
In the end, you’ll see that time is the key. It doesn’t matter how much money you spend whenever you guys hang out. Doesn’t matter if your personalities clash and you can’t get along. If you “work” at it by dedicating time to that child, you’ll see that it is the best technique you can use when showing somebody that you’re trying. Remember, relationships and marriages are WORK. It takes time! You can be that extra STEP to help that child get where they need to be. You’ll figure out what they lack in their life and be that provider. You can be that missing puzzle piece to something wonderful.
So, I watched ESPN this morning and what do I see… Randy Moss was traded back to the Minnesota Vikings. What? How did this happen? Why did they trade away their most productive receiver of all time, aside from Wes Welker? In 3 years, he has put up amazing numbers. Have they forgotten his role in their offense? The same offense, that led them to a perfect season two years ago. In 52 games, he has 259 receptions, 3,904 yards receiving and 50 touchdowns. I guess that wasn’t enough to give him a new contract… The way I see it, they should have paid that man what he deserves. However, I guess they do not see it that way. Nevertheless, after I looked at the offensive roster without him in it. I noticed a pattern.Now this is a stretch but maybe Randy Moss just did not fit in, in New England… and by that, I do not mean his role in their offense. I mean, have you seen Randy Moss lately? He is poorly groomed with a “homeless man beard” growing down his neck. The total opposite of the clean cut image that Tom Brady and his new protégé Wes Welker have portrayed. They appeal to the demographic. Yea, that’s right. The league has its own way of appealing to its fans. Even if it means shaping a team’s roster to reflect the general “look” of the city they represent. It is the truth, no matter how much America has become diverse, there are still towns, cities and states where the mass public only identify with other people that mirror what they look like. Not saying that makes them racist but some people grow up in different environments that promote that perspective.
They do the same thing in other leagues as well. A great example is the Utah Jazz, a team that was originally located in New Orleans (hence the name, The Jazz). If you look at their roster, you will hardly run into any players who are minorities. Over the past 10 years, the Jazz only once had a roster where at least half of the players were minorities. And why not?, Salt Lake City is 93% white, and more than 70% of those whites are Mormon, a religion that has historically denied blacks the right to join, which changed in 1978. The same thing goes for New England fans. How many of those Fox borough natives are black? I doubt if there are more than 30%.
I’m not saying that certain teams and cities are racist. I’m just acknowledging the business side of the league. You have to appeal to your audience in order to sell your product. Now, Moss situation has nothing to do with this… but I’m sure there are many black athletes out there that noticed the trend when tryouts came around. I’m just saying…