This is dedicated to all of those people out there who are in doubt. You are faced with a complicated situation. You got yourself into this situation because of the love you have for your significant other; what do you do now? How do you handle this? Are there rules and guidelines that will help you get through? What if everything you do, seems to fall short of what you set out to accomplish?

          The situation I am referring to is… becoming a STEP mom or dad. Believe it or not, it’s not an easy task and there is a lot that comes with it.

          There are always a bunch of questions that enter your mind as a step- parent. It’s bad enough that it takes time to establish the whole “I’m your mom/dad’s friend and we’re getting serious so you’ll see more of me…” concept but then you actually have to make this relationship work! You have to figure out how you can be involved in this child’s upbringing without being too overbearing but at the same time, you don’t want to be too soft. You can’t play the “door mat” role either.

          Now it’s not simple in trying to find solutions. Every child is different and they respond to different types of authority figures in different ways. It can be confusing… “Do I step in now?”… “No, I should fall back and let their mom/dad handle it”… “Should I suggest this?”…”well, that aint right, his/her mom or dad shouldn’t have done that. Should I tell her/him about themselves or let my significant other handle it?”… It’s crazy and complicated.

          My approach is simple, imagine if for some strange reason the parents of your god daughter/son died tomorrow and left parental guardianship to you. What would you do? At this point, you know this is not your child and they were raised in a different environment than what you’re used to. Would you treat them different? Or try to get to know them better so you can get a feel for what they need?…Same situation, different circumstance. When your significant other isn’t around and you’re spending time with your new son or daughter, take time out and be observant. Evaluate what type of person they are… find out what they’re interested in. No matter what, always be yourself. Almost like that fun teacher you had in high school. You respected him or her because you accepted the fact that they were in a position of leadership and authority but they kept it real and showed actual interest in trying to get you to learn. Same thing, you can establish yourself as that type of authority.

          Even when you get into those verbal disputes that makes things difficult, you have to be strong…“you not my dad”, “what? Don’t try to act like you’re my mother”… the sassy, talking-back attitudes can easily be nullified once you establish that they’re your son/daughter whether they like it or not and they will respect you because you show them respect…Just tell them, ”now wait till your dad/ mom gets home, they are going to tear your butt up!!!!!!!” –that was a joke

          You have to look at it from a more enlightening perspective. You are who you are and you can’t change that. Don’t try to be something different. I guarantee that your significant other’s child will grow to love you for some of the same reasons your significant other does. Beauty from within isn’t hard to see or appreciate. You aren’t like that child’s other parents in that you can give them something the other parent can’t… a different perspective. Show them what you’re about. Who knows, the family might have a history of being poor at math. You came into the picture and just happen to be great at math. Now those problems that took every member of the house, hours to get past are now a “breeze”. A simple example, but you get the point… just make sure you don’t spoil them. That’s the worst thing you can do. You don’t want to be that parent they take advantage of… “you want a cookie? I thought your dad/mom said you couldn’t have a cookie?”, “well, alright, just one!”… don’t do that. You’re setting yourself up for failure.

          In the end, you’ll see that time is the key. It doesn’t matter how much money you spend whenever you guys hang out. Doesn’t matter if your personalities clash and you can’t get along. If you “work” at it by dedicating time to that child, you’ll see that it is the best technique you can use when showing somebody that you’re trying. Remember, relationships and marriages are WORK. It takes time! You can be that extra STEP to help that child get where they need to be. You’ll figure out what they lack in their life and be that provider. You can be that missing puzzle piece to something wonderful.