A great example of how our Culture thinks… Selfish

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Click on this video and listen to Diddy’s response:

http://www.fedstv.com/Video/Diddy-Talks-About-Kids—Marriage-On-The-View-.aspx?bcmediaid=a761bccb-e9af-4f5a-b5e6-db2d26b15190

He loves talking about himself LOL

“There is no ‘I’ in Team”

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Have you noticed that people just don’t give a damn anymore? The American culture no longer fears death. What does that mean? It means that no one is planning for tomorrow. In the sense that tomorrow is not promised because things happen that we cannot control. Therefore, why not live like there is no tomorrow? This does not mean go out and do everything you said you would like to have done by now. This means giving your life to GOD and doing the right thing. So, if that day ever comes (you will not know when it will happen), you will be prepared for what is on the other side.

          People don’t have a conscious anymore. They are just acting off feelings and emotions. There is no logic anymore; people just go for what feels good. Most of the things that make you feel good in this world are not the right things for you… That sentence was meant for those women dealing with men who treat them wrong and vice versa…It’s just like food, most of the food that taste good is not good for you health wise… People are addicted to everything worldly. The last time I checked, that was Idolatry.

          Now, some people are even saying that marriage is obsolete…what?!?!?! Since when did joining each other in Holy matrimony become a thing of the past? Most people don’t have morals anymore. Instead of practicing safe sex, people are spreading diseases. Instead of waiting until the time is right, people are having sex as early as middle school… people are committing adultery as if it is the new thing to do. They have no regard for their marriage or the feelings of others involved (their wife/husband or kids). It’s all about me, me, and me.

          The level of disrespect is at an all time high. There is no respect for elders. Child pornography and molestation is much more consistent. Drama seems to be the only thing most people know.  Women are self-proclaimed “the baddest b*tch” instead of trying to be a classy lady. Deadbeat dads are more common than ever before. Mischievous and spiteful woman are using kids as a means to hurt the child’s father. If not that, they do not know who the daddy is because they been with too many people. A monogamous relationship seems to be something that died with our grandparent’s time. Divorce is at a high rate because people are getting married for all the wrong reasons… I could go on and on about the selfish, “it’s all about me and how I feel” culture that we have become. At what point do we start to fill guilty again. Not the kind of guilt you feel after you have done something wrong but, the guilt that stops you from doing it. What happened to the conscious that tells you “it’s not worth it”?

          If family means a lot to you then why do you treat yours with disrespect? (For those dads and moms out there who come home late after doing sinful activity?) The same goes for those women and men who are having children just to have them. Sometimes you have to do a self-evaluation. If you know you are irresponsible and selfish, why would you try to raise a child knowing you are not a good parent? If you know you don’t have it in you to give that child the life they deserve (attention, affection and sacrifice) then don’t have them or give them to someone who can treat them right. There are families out here who would love to have a child to raise. Don’t be stupid.

          Let God into your hearts people. It’s time to stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about the people that you hurt in the long the run. I understand that temptation is one of the hardest things to ignore. It’s there to test you. It tests willpower and your faith. Being a Christian is a lifestyle change, it does not just happen overnight and it is not easy but it can be accomplished… if judgment day were to happen tomorrow, where would you go? Heaven or Hell? Don’t answer that question using YOUR own point of view. Answer that question from God’s standards on how he wanted you to live. Be real with yourself. Be a team player and devote yourself to helping others. When you start to think about the team, you put yourself in championship contention.

          In other words, get a hold of yourself!

FOR SISTAS ONLY!!!

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For decades, black woman have held their families together. Through all the pain and adversity that African Americans have endured, black woman have remained the essential key to every movement toward success. “Behind every strong black man is a strong black woman”, “Black women are the backbone to their community… “I’m sure you have heard these metaphors before. It’s true! Black women have stood strong since the beginning of time. From Harriet Tubman to Michelle Obama (standing strong for her man, through the turmoil) to Oprah… Black women have proven they can make the best out of their situation, no matter what it is.

My, My, My… how times have changed! Standards have changed drastically. Now, no one expects young black women to take on the same role that their grandmothers did when they were growing up. Black women nowadays don’t have to work three jobs, take care of the kids, cook, clean and do other household duties… There are women who still do those things today but there aren’t that many. Not to say that black woman in this day in age aren’t capable, but with the current shift in household expectations (men do more around the house), it isn’t necessary.

Now, I will admit, single black women don’t have much to choose from nowadays. With a lot of black men going to jail, getting murdered or just not living up to expectations (Not true for every black man). It’s hard for a black woman who has experienced success to meet another black man on the same level…

Black women nowadays need to get it together as well. You shouldn’t lower standards in order to meet somebody (your soul mate). But at the same time, we won’t ignore the issues that black women have today. You see females on TV that represent part of the problem, almost everyday. Nicki Minaj, Alicia Keys (just got married to a man who left his wife for her), Beyonce (almost, always half naked whenever you see her on TV)… There aren’t too many positive black women that the youth can look up to. Being able to pay your bills and live on your own qualifies as being “a strong black woman” nowadays. Is that it? Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? How does that make you strong?… there are so many black women who don’t take accountability for their actions and the situations around them. Black women don’t realize they can impact their community more than black men can.

Believe it or not, black men will get themselves together when black women raise their standards. It’s like what Chris Rock said, “if women didn’t like men with nice houses, most men would live in a card board box.” As funny as that is, it’s true, most men are motivated by what is considered attractive… success!

So if a young black men notices that a lot of black women respect and admire a man who looks and acts like lil Wayne (nowhere near a positive role model). As bizarre as that sounds, it’s true! Men conform themselves to what society perceives as successful for an African American male. In the black community, today, it’s rappers and ball players (not known to be good role models). So, it’s not to say it’s the black woman’s fault for the downfall of the black community. But, if most black woman decide they want to speak out against their peers who aren’t raising their kids the right way and take control of situations that need to be corrected. It will make a positive change. Most times, it’s not about what you have to say about a situation, it’s what you do. Actions speak louder than words and black women are still, and will forever be the backbone of their family!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

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Been away for a while… I had so much to do that I lost focus. Speaking of focus. Focus on loving those who love you, those who support you and those who hate you. Without them, you wouldn’t be who you are today. Focus on sacrifice. Remember, all the things that you want out of life, all the things that will help you advance in life won’t come without sacrifice. Doesn’t matter if you sacrifice time, money or even your old lifestyle. That sacrifice is essential to a great start. That sacrifice will help you remove any obstacle that prevents focus. Live life, love and cherish these moments with your friends and family. Everyday…every breath isn’t promise… alright, I’m done… Give thanks and be blessed!… Another post is coming soon

“No, you can’t swirl. Only WE can”

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Every time you turn around there is some new dating site for black people. You have everything from “Blackpeoplemeet.com” to “Facebook.com”. Facebook? …Yes Facebook! To the bachelor/bachelorette, it is a land of opportunity where you can “poke” and message people to death. Let’s not act like all those photo albums you uploaded that had nothing but pictures of yourself in different “sexy” poses were intended for your friend circle. Do you always send pictures of yourself “blowing a kiss” to your homegirls?  NO!…You weren’t flattered when all those random guys made comments on these pictures? Comments like, “oooo, sexy!”, “you’re so pretty”, etc… Um, yea right! Let’s be real…

          Back to the topic at hand. Commercials have a great way of telling you something. If there wasn’t a need for it then there wouldn’t have been an advertisement… simple.  So obviously, there a lot of lonely people out there. But, there’s nothing wrong with that…

          Through all the mixing and matching that comes along with dating, there’s a rule that the average black man has to follow… you can’t date white women! It’s something we innately know. Most times we are warned of this at an early age. “If she can’t use my comb, don’t bring her home”. As racist as this sound, I’ve heard that plenty of times.

          You know of this rule from watching TV and you hear it during open discussions. That’s one thing a community conscious black man knows, “ I can date her but I can’t bring her home.” Now, I’m not saying we’re the only race of people that do this. I’m just saying, in the black community, a black women dating outside of her race is more acceptable than the opposite.

          You even see it in television shows and movies. The leading character (white male who happens to be single) is more likely to have dated a black woman on the show with no problem.  If the show was otherwise and the leading character was black, all of the other characters on the show would acknowledge the race of the girl he is dating. Making it difficult for the main character to either get past her skin color or persuade his peers that there is nothing wrong with interracial dating for black men (he always fails) … Which tells me, even people outside of the black race acknowledge that black women dating white men is more acceptable than black men dating white women. If you notice, Zoe Saldana, Halle Berry and Sanaa Lathan weren’t considered “leading” actors until they were seen on screen opposite of a white man. They didn’t “make it” to the more main stream movies until they were willing to kiss and hold hands with another popular white actor (but that’s another topic).

          Now, I won’t omit the fact that black men date outside of their race more than Black women do (there are statistics that prove it). But, we all know that most black women don’t “swirl” because they genuinely aren’t attracted to men outside of their race. Most black women are “only” attracted to men with darker complexions.

          But, why are black men held to a different standard? When black women date outside of their race, the comments are different… “he must have money”(ignorant), “they are a good fit, they were made for each other”, “well, there aren’t too many good brothas out there so I guess she decided to find someone else”, etc… Somehow, black women dating outside of their race is more justified. When a black man does it, he’s looked at differently and is subject to judgment.

          Since slavery, the topic of interracial dating has always lie in the palm of black men.

          The one thing that some black women have in common with other races, is the fact they don’t want to see a black man and a woman from another race holding hands while walking down the street… It’s his choice, and love doesn’t come with a color code. So, basically it shouldn’t be a problem. But, it is…

 

You can be a STEP towards something better!

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This is dedicated to all of those people out there who are in doubt. You are faced with a complicated situation. You got yourself into this situation because of the love you have for your significant other; what do you do now? How do you handle this? Are there rules and guidelines that will help you get through? What if everything you do, seems to fall short of what you set out to accomplish?

          The situation I am referring to is… becoming a STEP mom or dad. Believe it or not, it’s not an easy task and there is a lot that comes with it.

          There are always a bunch of questions that enter your mind as a step- parent. It’s bad enough that it takes time to establish the whole “I’m your mom/dad’s friend and we’re getting serious so you’ll see more of me…” concept but then you actually have to make this relationship work! You have to figure out how you can be involved in this child’s upbringing without being too overbearing but at the same time, you don’t want to be too soft. You can’t play the “door mat” role either.

          Now it’s not simple in trying to find solutions. Every child is different and they respond to different types of authority figures in different ways. It can be confusing… “Do I step in now?”… “No, I should fall back and let their mom/dad handle it”… “Should I suggest this?”…”well, that aint right, his/her mom or dad shouldn’t have done that. Should I tell her/him about themselves or let my significant other handle it?”… It’s crazy and complicated.

          My approach is simple, imagine if for some strange reason the parents of your god daughter/son died tomorrow and left parental guardianship to you. What would you do? At this point, you know this is not your child and they were raised in a different environment than what you’re used to. Would you treat them different? Or try to get to know them better so you can get a feel for what they need?…Same situation, different circumstance. When your significant other isn’t around and you’re spending time with your new son or daughter, take time out and be observant. Evaluate what type of person they are… find out what they’re interested in. No matter what, always be yourself. Almost like that fun teacher you had in high school. You respected him or her because you accepted the fact that they were in a position of leadership and authority but they kept it real and showed actual interest in trying to get you to learn. Same thing, you can establish yourself as that type of authority.

          Even when you get into those verbal disputes that makes things difficult, you have to be strong…“you not my dad”, “what? Don’t try to act like you’re my mother”… the sassy, talking-back attitudes can easily be nullified once you establish that they’re your son/daughter whether they like it or not and they will respect you because you show them respect…Just tell them, ”now wait till your dad/ mom gets home, they are going to tear your butt up!!!!!!!” –that was a joke

          You have to look at it from a more enlightening perspective. You are who you are and you can’t change that. Don’t try to be something different. I guarantee that your significant other’s child will grow to love you for some of the same reasons your significant other does. Beauty from within isn’t hard to see or appreciate. You aren’t like that child’s other parents in that you can give them something the other parent can’t… a different perspective. Show them what you’re about. Who knows, the family might have a history of being poor at math. You came into the picture and just happen to be great at math. Now those problems that took every member of the house, hours to get past are now a “breeze”. A simple example, but you get the point… just make sure you don’t spoil them. That’s the worst thing you can do. You don’t want to be that parent they take advantage of… “you want a cookie? I thought your dad/mom said you couldn’t have a cookie?”, “well, alright, just one!”… don’t do that. You’re setting yourself up for failure.

          In the end, you’ll see that time is the key. It doesn’t matter how much money you spend whenever you guys hang out. Doesn’t matter if your personalities clash and you can’t get along. If you “work” at it by dedicating time to that child, you’ll see that it is the best technique you can use when showing somebody that you’re trying. Remember, relationships and marriages are WORK. It takes time! You can be that extra STEP to help that child get where they need to be. You’ll figure out what they lack in their life and be that provider. You can be that missing puzzle piece to something wonderful.

Something in Common

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I apologize for my absence. Had a lot on my plate but I’m back!

So, I watched ESPN this morning and what do I see… Randy Moss was traded back to the Minnesota Vikings. What? How did this happen? Why did they trade away their most productive receiver of all time, aside from Wes Welker? In 3 years, he has put up amazing numbers. Have they forgotten his role in their offense? The same offense, that led them to a perfect season two years ago. In 52 games, he has 259 receptions, 3,904 yards receiving and 50 touchdowns. I guess that wasn’t enough to give him a new contract… The way I see it, they should have paid that man what he deserves. However, I guess they do not see it that way. Nevertheless, after I looked at the offensive roster without him in it. I noticed a pattern.Now this is a stretch but maybe Randy Moss just did not fit in, in New England… and by that, I do not mean his role in their offense. I mean, have you seen Randy Moss lately? He is poorly groomed with a “homeless man beard” growing down his neck. The total opposite of the clean cut image that Tom Brady and his new protégé Wes Welker have portrayed. They appeal to the demographic. Yea, that’s right. The league has its own way of appealing to its fans. Even if it means shaping a team’s roster to reflect the general “look” of the city they represent. It is the truth, no matter how much America has become diverse, there are still towns, cities and states where the mass public only identify with other people that mirror what they look like. Not saying that makes them racist but some people grow up in different environments that promote that perspective.

They do the same thing in other leagues as well. A great example is the Utah Jazz, a team that was originally located in New Orleans (hence the name, The Jazz). If you look at their roster, you will hardly run into any players who are minorities. Over the past 10 years, the Jazz only once had a roster where at least half of the players were minorities. And why not?, Salt Lake City is 93% white, and more than 70% of those whites are Mormon, a religion that has historically denied blacks the right to join, which changed in 1978. The same thing goes for New England fans. How many of those Fox borough natives are black? I doubt if there are more than 30%.

I’m not saying that certain teams and cities are racist. I’m just acknowledging the business side of the league. You have to appeal to your audience in order to sell your product. Now, Moss situation has nothing to do with this… but I’m sure there are many black athletes out there that noticed the trend when tryouts came around. I’m just saying…

I HATE TO SAY IT BUT, I’M GLAD CHRIS BROWN IS BACK!

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            I hate to say it but I am glad Chris Brown is back. He’s one of the few R&B headliners out right now that is blessed with the ability to sing. Other than Trey Songs, There are no other male singers with that GOD given ability. That whole, “non-singers can sing” phase is fading out… IT’S ABOUT TIME! Now we can get back to real music.

            I mean c’mon people! That auto-tune phase was horrible! Every so-called rapper, producer and bum off the street was using that “old school voice synthesizer” mess and ruining songs. Remember, it got so bad that Jay-Z had to dedicate a song to the end of it, DOA (Death of Auto-tune). When they stopped playing that crap on the airways, I was thrilled. However, it was not over. There was a resurgence! Kanye, Lil Wayne, Drake and P. Diddy brought it back. Now every time I turn on the radio there is more “non-singing, singing”… The songs are catchy, the beats are great… the voice is horrible! “I better find your looovvvvvingg, I better find your heeeeeaaaarrrrrrt,” IT’S ANNOYING!

            That is the reason why Trey Songs is so successful. Who else is there? I mean Drake’s songs are catchy but they are already over-playing his songs on the radio. His voice is starting to get annoying. Usher has converted to POP, Mario is making music that you listen to for a week, then forget about it later. Lyfe Jennings makes good songs but his voice sounds bad after the first couple “bars”. Lloyd just signed his career away with Young Money, so he will make some hits then fade to the background when Lil Wayne gets out of jail. J Holiday is nowhere to be found, even though he is the most “slept-on” artist of the past three years! His last two albums were great in my opinion. Pleasure P, I know a lot of you are thinking, “Who?” Exactly! He should not be worth mentioning. Jahiem is seemingly, washed up. Tyrese, is a movie star. Therefore, he is focusing on his other business ventures, which sucks because he is a true talent in the business. Raheem DaVaugh makes good music but for some reason he doesn’t get the credit he deserves. So, we don’t hear his music on the radio as much as we should. Marques Houston drops albums quietly, good music but, you find out about it two months down the road after the Album drops. His music is not on the radio. Ray J cannot sing… Donnell Jones? Where did you go? Omarion, to sum it up, he hasn’t been seen on 106 and Park in a couple of years now. Avant? Joe?, Anthony Hamilton?, Musiq Soulchild?, Justin Timberlake? Where did you guys/real singers go? 112 and all male R&B groups no longer exist and Chris Brown is just now making a comeback after beating the crap out of Rihanna (talentless, want to-be porn star who should model instead of singing). Robin Thicke is the exception because he’ll drop an album every now and again but then he’ll fade to black, only to come out again with a whole new style… weird! NeYo, makes certified hits! Can he sing? I hate to admit it but, NO! and last but not least, The Dream, he has great production, great beats, and good melodies to his songs. But, he cannot sing either… Do you see what I mean?       

            So, with that said… I am glad that Chris Brown’s music is back on the radio. At one time, they said he was the next Michael Jackson (He can sing and dance very well). It gives us a break from all the non-sense that artist, now-a-days, want to call R&B. Rap, of course, is another very different discussion that resembles the same thing. I cannot even begin to talk about the Soulja Boy era… Of course, this article is made on September 14, 2010. So, do not quote me on the “non-singers, singing” being a phase. You never know, this awfulness might last a while longer.

School of your choice

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For this post, I wanted to touch a subject that has been talked about for years! And I hate to sound stereotypical but I will be focusing on Football and Basketball since those are the two sports where the players in each league are dominated by blacks, Sorry folks! Most of today’s black athlete has come from “Big” schools. The primary reason for that is the school’s name recognition. It is a well-known fact that in order to increase your chances of getting your name out there, you have to be associated with a good program. Of course with a good program comes a “boat-load” of money. The more money your program makes, the better the resources and in turn, the better your chances of getting picked up by a major organization. At least that is how it usually goes.

          With the school comes the star power. For example, We all know that any quarterback or running back that starts for USC (University of Southern California) will instantly become a star and get national attention. So, you can’t blame them for choosing these schools. I mean you get the star power, the title of “big man on campus” and your fair share of groupies (just as long as you wear your jersey around campus to confirm your identity). Just ask Reggie Bush, would we have known who he was, had he went to school at Morgan State University. He would be a local favorite, yes… but Kim Kardashian’s famous boyfriend. No! You would have been saying “Reggie who?” or “oh I know him; he’s the punt returner for the Saints. He’s the backup running back to Pierre Thomas.”

          Most of these players who become professional athletes don’t even graduate and still contribute to the “alumni foundation” on campus. As if, these programs need any more money…

          My question is… What about the black schools? The underdogs? A lot of these schools have rich background in athletics so why don’t they get the same respect? This topic is constantly being challenged on ESPN. Every time they pose a question about Boise State and their National Title contention, the name recognition of the schools they play are called into review. But, who are they to say that these teams can’t compare? That those programs aren’t any match for a “perennial powerhouse school.” It’s funny because shockers like James Madison Univ. beating Virginia Tech (2010) and Appalachian State Beating Michigan (2007) aren’t supposed to happen. Now, I will not get into that, but I will give you the perspective of a former black athlete who once played sports in high school for a predominantly black high school and then made that transition to athletics at a predominantly white University.  I have seen how some “bigger” programs (white schools) match up to smaller, less fortunate schools (black schools). Some would say that the black athlete willingly makes that transition because of the facilities and training. You get better resources than you would at a black school…

          We all know that it’s the common myth, that whatever school you got your degree from will hold more weight with your employers then those who went to college at a lesser known school. That’s why we all know about Harvard, Yale and Princeton. In the sports world, playing 3rd string defensive back for the University of Florida carries more weight than a 4 year starter from Howard University. Often you will have those players from smaller schools perform well enough to dazzle pro scouts just enough to sign on that dotted line. You’ll see them running impressive 40-yard dash times at the NFL combine or in basketball, they’ll usually take their “no name” school deep into the NCAA tournament. This happens a lot by the way. But believe it or not, not every professional athlete can excel at that level. Every roster has fill-ins, back-ups and utility players that can play well enough not to cost you a loss in a game. These players sneak in the league because of the chances they got from their resume. They came from “such and such” program and were coached by “such and such”… The chances that they would have made it to the league based on pure skill and athleticism are slim without that background. Many former HBCU and Junior college ball players out there never got that chance to shine. They performed well but were passed up at practice and the combine because of lack of recognition. You get that edge by playing for a “Big” school.

          Most of the lack of recognition that black college’s get are the stereotypes. If an extremely talented athlete comes to a historically black school, it is assumed that there is a problem. There is the stigma that they couldn’t go anywhere else because of grades or they have problems with the law or an attitude problem or maybe even a size problem (they are too small to play professionally). Now most of this is true and I doubt that will ever change… But, nonetheless these kids can ball and in most cases, given the right opportunities their life might have turned out different.  Most of the lack of recognition comes from the fact that the best players in the country are already brainwashed by the media before black schools have a chance at trying to recruit them. The “HBCU stigma” doesn’t help either… How can we help black colleges draw in bigger crowds? I don’t think anybody knows…

“I bought it, so it’s mine”

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When it comes to sexual attraction, we all know there are stereotypes about what Black and white men like. There is the common belief that white men are “breast men”, and black men tend to go for the “sista” with the voluptuous booty. White men are known to like blonde hair while black men go for the brunette with long hair. Perceptions of beauty used to be very different in both cultures.

Beauty secrets were vastly different. Black women were criticized for their full lips, full figures and various complexions. At one point, hair weaves were only associated with black women. It’s funny how times have changed. Today, cultural differences don’t play a difference in the image of beauty at all. Women have become celebrities because of their image of modern day beauty.  For instance, Kim Kardashian and Amber Rose are two non-black women who have become internet celebrities with large followings because of their full lips, pear shapes and darker skin tone.

So what does the average women do to keep up with these new perceptions of beauty??? SILICONE!… women find that getting breast enhancements aren’t enough to get men to notice them anymore. Lip and butt implants are the new trend. White women are even making it known that they wear hair weaves to go along with their tan also. White men seem to love it.

One thing that hasn’t changed over time is a black man’s dislike for “fake.” No matter how big or shapely a woman’s assets may be, black men always pose that one question, “is it real?”

What’s the difference? I mean, big breast are big breast right? I mean they’re hers. She bought them. They are hers to own so what is the black man’s problem? Is it the texture? Even when the enhancement looks completely real, it’s something about it that turns black men off! Even though black women have been wearing hair weaves and wigs for years, black men have never seemed to come to grips with the replacements.  

I think deep down inside our heritage holds us back from conforming to the modern day perception of the “look.” Our genetic make-up plays a subconscious role on how we venerate our women in the area of beauty. It’s in us to know that black is beautiful and there is no denying that. It just took the rest of the world a little longer to figure that out. Black men don’t need all the extras in order to adore the very essence of what makes them go crazy… black beauty.

Honestly, the natural beauty with the well managed hair gets taken more seriously than those with the fake EVERYTHING.  Women with fake boobs, fake butts, fake lips, fake hair and too much make-up makes them look exactly what their beauty is made up of… fakeness. A pretty face goes a long way. Though, all those extra assets might draw some guy’s attention temporarily. It’s the confidence that the lady possesses that keeps their attention for good. Ladies who are comfortable with what they don’t have are more attractive than those who have paid for the extras because of insecurities. Black men know that our women don’t need that stuff, you’re perfect the way you are.

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